So each year i write about the dangers of drinking water and the merits of a nice rosé. My research this year has uncovered the Water Conspiracy – a conspiracy of epic proportions that runs so deep that you get zero search results for those words on google. Who has that kind of power?
I’ve been onto the so called “water people” for years – colourless, odourless, tasteless – it’s insane that anyone drinks it. I wouldn’t smoke anything colourless, odourless, or tasteless! But there must be big money in water because nobody challenges them on anything. Who’s heard these … “Drink 12 litres of water a day everybody”, or this one, “stay hydrated”. Big money is behind this for sure – IMF kinda big, OPEC big, Illuminati big.
So here’s what i just discovered. Somebody has been infiltrating other beverages with water! Ready for this …
- Beer is made with water – grain, water, and yeast
- Whiskey is made with water – grain, water, and yeast [this discovery actually made me cry]
- Vodka and soda has some water in it
- Ice is almost 100% water – fact.
- Gin and tonic has water IN THE TONIC!
You know what doesn’t have water in it? Rosé wine. Not a drop of water. Just pure, pressed grapes, running their sweet pink nectar fermented by Bacchus himself – preferred by Jesus [that was his FIRST miracle everyone]. Let me reiterate – there is no water in your glass of rosé.
I’m willing to rewrite every geography textbook for the Flat Earth Society before i allow these Water people to invade my rosé with their water.
Previous water rants