Monthly Archives: June 2018

#WineWorldCup2018 predictor

As the only wine blogger with a Physed degree*  i feel it’s my duty to comment on, and predict a winner for the FIFA World Cup tournament happening right now in Russia.

Many methods are used to predict sportsing ball winners.  Paul the Octopus, Achilles the deaf Oracle cat, and Flopsy the Kangaroo are just some of the animals used to predict a winner.   So I thought, rather than use animals, metrics or “algorithms” [whatever they are] to predict a winner, let’s look at the wine produced by each country to predict a winner.  Here’s my argument for each team that i think has a chance to win.

4th Place – Germany.  Their Fußball team takes a back seat to nobody. But the fear of mispronouncing “Gewürztraminer” (German: [ɡəˈvʏɐ̯tstʁaˈmiːnɐ]) sadly places them low on the #WineWorldCup2018 list.

3rd Place – Portugal. I don’t love Portuguese wines that aren’t Port, with the exception of  a Vinho Verde on a warm day – but Portugal’s best and most beautiful player, Ronaldo, is a teetotaler – so his team can’t really be taken seriously. But hey, if you’re the best looking man on the pitch with over 2 billion people watching did you really lose?

Runner Up – France. My favourite thing about the French soccer team is their kit [or jersey as we say this side of the pond] featuring le coq. My second favourite thing is rose wine from any French region.

Le coq

Paparazzi photo of me drinking Rosé in Provence

#WineWorldCup 2018 Winner – Spain. One word – “Muga”. I have a well documented love affair with this pink nectar, the love child of Dionysus and Ariadne. It’s certainly the most photogenic wine in the world. Take that Cristiano Ronaldo.

Paparazzi photo of Muga in my back yard

Wines to drink this summer …

Muga Rosé 2017 Spain

—VINTAGES#: 603795   |   750 mL bottle $14.95 Released June 9

La Vieille Ferme Rose France

—LCBO#: 622134   |   750 mL bottle $11.95

Alianca Vinho Verde Portugal

—LCBO#: 75663   |   750 mL bottle $9.35

Pierre Sparr Gewürztraminer

it’s actually from Alsace but close enough right, and hey, another vote for France

—LCBO#: 373373   |   750 mL bottle $17.95

*footnote re. being the only wine blogger with a PE degree [a fact that i can’t actually verify so can somebody please add me as a reliable source on Wikipedia]

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Water Conspiracy Theory

So each year i write about the dangers of drinking water and the merits of a nice rosé.  My research this year has uncovered the Water Conspiracy – a conspiracy of epic proportions that runs so deep that you get zero search results for those words on google.  Who has that kind of power?

I’ve been onto the so called “water people” for years – colourless, odourless, tasteless – it’s insane that anyone drinks it. I wouldn’t smoke anything colourless, odourless, or tasteless! But there must be big money in water because nobody challenges them on anything. Who’s heard these … “Drink 12 litres of water a day everybody”, or this one, “stay hydrated”. Big money is behind this for sure – IMF kinda big, OPEC big, Illuminati big.

So here’s what i just discovered.  Somebody has been infiltrating other beverages with water!  Ready for this …

  1. Beer is made with water – grain, water, and yeast
  2. Whiskey is made with water – grain, water, and yeast [this discovery actually made me cry]
  3. Vodka and soda has some water in it
  4. Ice is almost 100% water – fact.
  5. Gin and tonic has water IN THE TONIC!

You know what doesn’t have water in it? Rosé wine. Not a drop of water. Just pure, pressed grapes, running their sweet pink nectar fermented by Bacchus himself – preferred by Jesus [that was his FIRST miracle everyone]. Let me reiterate – there is no water in your glass of rosé.

I’m willing to rewrite every geography textbook for the Flat Earth Society before i allow these Water people to invade my rosé with their water.

Previous water rants

2010 Drink More Water? 

2011 Still Drinking Water?

2012 Water – I’m not convinced

2013 Water. Again?

2015 Hyperbole

2016 Water Research

2017 Combating Water