Today I am a Berliner

Ich bin ein Berliner (Weisse) at the Wellington Brewery.

I am almost certain that the real reason JFK went to Berlin was to sample the various Weisse flavoring shots.

For those who aren’t aware, those crazy Germans have some cultural oddities  – in addition to their gratuitous use of the ümlaut. They brew a low ABV, clean weisse [wheat] beer that they put flavoring shots in. My new bff at Wellington hit me with a watermelon and a raspberry Berliner Weisse. Not sure if you’ll like that ? Go drink a Doug Ford buck-a-beer and stop wasting the internet’s time reading my drink blog.

Martini and Squash

I’ve decided that i’m going to do a series of misleading titles for my articles. An hommage to “fake news” as it were. So i start with “Martini & Squash”, a combination that works terribly gastronomically, but brilliantly in a photo session.

Also, when i say “martini”, this is really just gin in a cool stemless martini glass with a bit of grapefruit peel.  I know, it’s really deceptive – but today i wore my WWRD* bracelet and i can’t help myself.

So pretty photo huh.  Great little squashes huh. Good use of the word huh, huh?.

*What Would a Republican Do

Sleeping Giant

After spending a week in Dryden in the pursuit of chanterelles I found myself with an extra hour in Thunder Bay before my flight home to the “six” [sorry kids – I know it’s embarrassing when dad works for street cred – I promise it will get worse not better].

Thankfully my cousin from TBay hasn’t gotten a new cell phone since I last texted her in 2011 so I had access to some intel. She recommended The Sleeping Giant Brewery. So before my flight I got a flight [there”s no poetry quite like word poetry].

I even got a little tour. Big tanks, medium tanks, and tiny tanks for experimenting with. My tour guide – more accurately the closest employee I nabbbed for questioning – had a Saskatoon berry sour on the go – her first nano brew in the cute R2-D2 size tanks.

Hey Sleeping Giant people – I loved all your beer – especially the Spruce tip Ale – and I loved your brewery.

Stay woke Sleeping Giant – stay woke!

 

#WineWorldCup2018 predictor

As the only wine blogger with a Physed degree*  i feel it’s my duty to comment on, and predict a winner for the FIFA World Cup tournament happening right now in Russia.

Many methods are used to predict sportsing ball winners.  Paul the Octopus, Achilles the deaf Oracle cat, and Flopsy the Kangaroo are just some of the animals used to predict a winner.   So I thought, rather than use animals, metrics or “algorithms” [whatever they are] to predict a winner, let’s look at the wine produced by each country to predict a winner.  Here’s my argument for each team that i think has a chance to win.

4th Place – Germany.  Their Fußball team takes a back seat to nobody. But the fear of mispronouncing “Gewürztraminer” (German: [ɡəˈvʏɐ̯tstʁaˈmiːnɐ]) sadly places them low on the #WineWorldCup2018 list.

3rd Place – Portugal. I don’t love Portuguese wines that aren’t Port, with the exception of  a Vinho Verde on a warm day – but Portugal’s best and most beautiful player, Ronaldo, is a teetotaler – so his team can’t really be taken seriously. But hey, if you’re the best looking man on the pitch with over 2 billion people watching did you really lose?

Runner Up – France. My favourite thing about the French soccer team is their kit [or jersey as we say this side of the pond] featuring le coq. My second favourite thing is rose wine from any French region.

Le coq

Paparazzi photo of me drinking Rosé in Provence

#WineWorldCup 2018 Winner – Spain. One word – “Muga”. I have a well documented love affair with this pink nectar, the love child of Dionysus and Ariadne. It’s certainly the most photogenic wine in the world. Take that Cristiano Ronaldo.

Paparazzi photo of Muga in my back yard

Wines to drink this summer …

Muga Rosé 2017 Spain

—VINTAGES#: 603795   |   750 mL bottle $14.95 Released June 9

La Vieille Ferme Rose France

—LCBO#: 622134   |   750 mL bottle $11.95

Alianca Vinho Verde Portugal

—LCBO#: 75663   |   750 mL bottle $9.35

Pierre Sparr Gewürztraminer

it’s actually from Alsace but close enough right, and hey, another vote for France

—LCBO#: 373373   |   750 mL bottle $17.95

*footnote re. being the only wine blogger with a PE degree [a fact that i can’t actually verify so can somebody please add me as a reliable source on Wikipedia]

Water Conspiracy Theory

So each year i write about the dangers of drinking water and the merits of a nice rosé.  My research this year has uncovered the Water Conspiracy – a conspiracy of epic proportions that runs so deep that you get zero search results for those words on google.  Who has that kind of power?

I’ve been onto the so called “water people” for years – colourless, odourless, tasteless – it’s insane that anyone drinks it. I wouldn’t smoke anything colourless, odourless, or tasteless! But there must be big money in water because nobody challenges them on anything. Who’s heard these … “Drink 12 litres of water a day everybody”, or this one, “stay hydrated”. Big money is behind this for sure – IMF kinda big, OPEC big, Illuminati big.

So here’s what i just discovered.  Somebody has been infiltrating other beverages with water!  Ready for this …

1. Beer is made with water – grain, water, and yeast
2. Whiskey is made with water – grain, water, and yeast [this discovery actually made me cry]
3. Vodka and soda has some water in it
4. Ice is almost 100% water – fact.
5. Gin and tonic has water IN THE TONIC!

You know what doesn’t have water in it? Rosé wine. Not a drop of water. Just pure, pressed grapes, running their sweet pink nectar fermented by Bacchus himself – preferred by Jesus [that was his FIRST miracle everyone]. Let me reiterate – there is no water in your glass of rosé.

I’m willing to rewrite every geography textbook for the Flat Earth Society before i allow these Water people to invade my rosé with their water.

Previous water rants

2010 Drink More Water? 

2011 Still Drinking Water?

2012 Water – I’m not convinced

2013 Water. Again?

2015 Hyperbole

2016 Water Research

2017 Combating Water

Cocktail in a Tin

What is it that you love to eat out of a tin? Spam? Herring and spam. Beans, spam, spam,  and spam – that’s not got much spam in it.

Well good news tin lovers. There is a  growing trend of cocktails in a tin and just in time for the long weekend and the royal wedding.

How’s this for a long weekend treat in a tin …  vodka, soda, gin, tonic, lemon, pomelo, and cucumber walk into a bar ….

First, Muskoka’s Docker.  It’s a G&T made with Muskoka’s Legendary Oddity Gin [which i honestly can’t believe i haven’t blogged about] and a little cucumber and lime. This drink is officially declared “divine”. “Sweet baby Bacchus” divine. Available at most LCBO stores, it’s a responsible 4% AVB, and endorsed by every single gin drinker in the world. Rumour has it that Harry and Meghan love it.

SocialLite continues their contribution to the world of tinned cocktails with a new Vodka and soda this summer that kinda makes me mad that i didn’t think of marketing this and getting rich.  Zero sugar and Zero sweetener is their mantra – or at least part of it – i think their real mantra is “why are we making stuff so good to drink”.  This summer’s flavours are Lemon Cucumber Mint and Grapefruit Pomelo. Remember, there’s also Vodka and Soda – a combination as old as creation itself.

Get ahead of the #trending curve and bring some tinned cocktails to a cottage or a party near you this summer. All the cool kids are doing it [i.e. Harry and Meghan].

 

Cinco de Mayo edition

This Cinco de Mayo consider the piñata [cinco de mayo loosely translates as “the fifth of May”]. Beautiful, noble beasts that are the life of the party. But there is a dark side so obvious that i’ve missed it before today.

We tell Señor Piñata how beautiful he is, hug him,  stuff him full of candy, make him feel loved, invite some friends over for a piñata party, and then bash the heck out of him with a bat!  What kind of a sick joke is that?

Also, Napoleon sounds like a jerk. Also, i’ve heard he has bad breath.

So get yourself to a cinco de mayo party today. The Guava Saison is selling like Mexican hot cakes at the Muddy York and they have a party today.

Or go out and buy a gateway tequila that may lead to other more expensive tequilae.

Isn’t it fitting that the Mexicans rode humongous chickens while defeating the Spanish? Also, this delicious tequila is under $40.

And the happy ending to this story – besides the Mexicans not being held under Spanish oppression – is that this little guy was rescued by my daughter M and is now safely in a burro sanctuary.

Live @ the i❤️beer

So I joined the cashless economy this week exchanging labor for beer tickets, not a bad way to love your life huh?

4 oz glasses are cute at the i❤️beer festival

Barrel aged ESB from @lagershed – winner

Also, my hand looks huge huh?

And hey, why wouldn’t I try …

Must be the Swede in me that gravitates that way. Thanks Great-Grandpa Jacobson.

Blackberry Boch from @cowbellbrewery

Pong tournament in 15 mins

Oke out

Wee Dram

Scotland be like …

Alsace

Alsace – that tiny region of France that isn’t quite German, but isn’t not French. I love both the taste of wines from Alsace and the shape of their bottles. This lovely crisp 2015 white wine from “vieilles vignes” [old vines] was under $16 in the Vintages section of the LCBO.

 

So pretty right? Also, this is the first photo this year i took outside that i felt the warmth of my friend the Sun. Oh, i love white wine with a promise of Spring.

The flute bottle shape originated because Germanic and Alsatian wines travelled on gentle rivers to their libation destination on smooth sailing barges on the Rhine while Burgundian wines needed a sturdier bottle with a large punt [indentation at the bottom of a bottle] since they travelled a rougher road by horse and cart. I just think it’s pretty, but the thought of a gentle wine is lovely too isn’t it?

This Spring try an Alsatian Riesling in a bottle that looks eerily like my dog Lorenzo’s snout.

Heimberger Riesling

Heimberger Vieilles Vignes Riesling 2015—VINTAGES#: 168955   |   750 mL bottle

$16.95